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One-Line Bio

I'm a great big goober.


Mrs. Laura Beth Duarte was born and raised in San Jose California. Much to the complete disbelief and utter joy of her parents, she met and married her sweet baboo in 1991 after a chance meeting at 7-11 in the middle of the night. Mrs. Duarte has since produced two children with said sweet baboo and remains happily married, although the happy part can sometimes be sketchy as "staying married" is about as easy as picking your ass with your big toe.

In 1998, Mrs. Duarte relocated with her family to the beautiferous Napa Valley where she currently works as a newly promoted Executive Assistant (which translates to: someone who had to buy all new clothes because her old stuff wasn’t “executive” enough to suit her).

In her free time, Mrs. Duarte enjoys playing hideously addictive puzzle games from Shockwave, writing pithy entries for her journal and scanning through tons of family photos in hopes they will give her just one more idea to make money off of so she can get out of the necessity for a day job.

Happily, Mrs. Duarte’s husband is already working his dream job as a hair stylist and has been know to bust out one seriously bad ass hairdo on Mrs. Duarte – as long as she doesn’t irritate him (read: speak while he works on her hair). Mr. Duarte also enjoys laying down the fat beats (which explains his iTunes bill) and teaching his son about “The Art Of Man Time” while teaching his daughter “How To Not Take Shit Off Of Anybody”.

Mrs. Duarte's two children are Alexander (11 years going on 42 if that 42 year old was an Electrical Engineer) and Emma Rose (9 years going on 19 if that 19 year old was a Hooters Waitress) currently enjoy attending school (not) and ringing up tons of bills for the Duarte’s on critically essential items which include Lizzie McGuire paraphernalia and every Nintendo game ever made.

When not causing all cash registers surrounding them to go “KA-CHING” Alex and Emma can be found fighting loudly over the important things in life, including “Who Touched My Door Knob”, “Why Is My Toothbrush Wet When I Haven’t Brushed My Teeth Yet… And You Have But Your Toothbrush Isn’t Wet” and their mother’s favorite “Why Did You Make A Mess In My Room And Not Clean It Up… Moooooommmmm, Did You Know He/She Made A Mess In My Room And Didn’t Clean It Up?”

After taking enough prescription narcotics to numb her ability to hear said children, Mrs. Duarte can be found attending to her leftover Dog from The Great Dog Deaths Of ’03 - ’04 . Never one to be left out, Ms. Loretta Marie Duarte (a solid, if late blooming member of the Working Group categorized as “English Mastiff”) also remains committed to making every cash register in Napa go “KA-CHING” as she eats through roughly 14 cups of dog food a day, requires countless “babies” to lay out around her bed before retiring and remains staunchly committed to her relationship with her Vet and the hysterically expensive treatment for the wounds acquired in The Great Valentines Non-Tempered Sliding Glass Window Smash of 2004.

We asked Mrs. Duarte to take into account everything that fills her life and tell us what it is she thinks of as she falls asleep at night, her reply was “Did I remember to put the lid back on the ice cream?”


my ball & chain, my kids, family, reading, sleeping, all things pop culture, more sleeping